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A Little Off-beat Humor from Jakarta

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  • A Little Off-beat Humor from Jakarta

    Source: Living in Indonesia, a site for expatriates


    I live in Jakarta. It is a huge huge city, teeming with people. People who don't believe in disposing of things in ways that we do in N. America. Where there are sewers here, they are not covered but open ditches running along the side of the roads. Frequently on my way to work I am dodging trash being flung from car windows or open bus doors, along with closing my eyes to get through the smoke of trash fires burning on the sides of the roadways or in the aforementioned open sewers.

    I live in Jakarta. It is a huge huge city on the island of Java. When people lived and died for spices hundreds of years ago, the Dutch and English and other seafaring explorers came here on their wooden ships to trade and pillage. When they arrived they would de-rat their ships.

    I live in Jakarta. It is a huge huge city teeming with rats. Susie our dog has killed one or two in our time here. I am scared to death of them. That all dates back to an experience I had putting on my shoes in my parents garage when I was a kid in Iowa. I generally am the one to walk Susie at night before we go to bed. On any given night there is something moving in the open sewers, there is rustling in the garbage 'pits', stuff is crawling in the shadows and squeaking all around us. Susie is at full alert as she is a rat-dog and I am filled with the heebie-jeebies. On a rainy night it is even worse as they must get flooded out of their holes and then party in the streets.

    In the early mornings my fears are vindicated. There were rats all around us as we took our evening walk last night. I leave for work before 6 a.m. and there are dead rats in the middle of the streets all over the city. Some were killed by feral cats but most have been killed by automobiles or motorcycles. You can tell what killed them by how they look when the sun comes up. If they seem intact, it was most likely a predator that ended it all for them. If part of their bodies are fused to the asphalt rode way or they seem to have popped like a tube of toothpaste, a tire did them in. By afternoon, all that is left of them is a pancake in the shape of a rat where they died. The tires of the cars don't change their basic outlines as they flatten them into the road. You can still see their sharp little claws. They lie there, easily identifiable, attracting flies and emanating that one and only dead rodent smell for days.

    I live in Jakarta. It is a huge huge city whose streets are peppered with remnants of dead rats. When I first got here and started biking I would avoid running over any rat remnants at all. Now I am unfortunately growing accustomed to them and don't swerve off of my course to avoid the flattened variety. I still won?t walk on them or let Susie anywhere near them, but my bicycle tires insulate me enough from the squished ones that I can keep on trucking. The fresh ones are a different matter. I avoid them like the plague that they carry. I cross the street, head into oncoming traffic, swerve dangerously on wet pavement, run people off the road, whatever it takes. Last year I was on my way to work, keeping pace with a motorcycle on a very curvy street. He came upon a fresh one too late to avoid it and I watched him lift his feet into the air, just like I would have done. I felt better that I wasn't the only one in the city afraid of them.

    I live in Jakarta. I rode my bike to work today as I do most days. I was on my normal back road commute before I hit the busy streets. I was trailing two motorcycles. We came around a sharp curve and there was a rat lying in the roadway. He or she had already been hit more than once, but not enough times to be a rat pancake. I know because it was pulpy. They don't usually look pulpy. The lead motorcycle either didn't see it or didn't care. I think he must have recently bought new tires. He rolled right over it with that new tread and if I hadn?t seen it with my own eyes, I wouldn?t believe it. It splashed. Like a bowling ball in a pool of milk. Like he rode through a red rat puddle. Guy number two, we can call him the victim, came very close to laying down his bike as he reacted to rat parts being sprayed into the air and then running into them. I skidded to a stop just in time and scratched off my gas mask so as to not wretch in it. When I finally I got it off, it is a new one that has several straps I?m still getting used to, I was greeted with that one and only dead rodent smell.

    I live in Jakarta. Sometimes I wish I didn't.

    by Ab Bear
    The salvage of human life ought to be placed above barter and exchange ~ Louis Harris, 1918

  • #2
    Re: A Little Off-beat Humor from Jakarta

    Ab depicted well what would be another pest in a pandemic.

    I didn't saw the humorous part, anyway.
    How they said at the times:
    only the rats, insects, ..., will survive.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: A Little Off-beat Humor from Jakarta

      I didn't saw the humorous part, anyway.
      Well, I did say it was *off beat*.

      Sometimes things are so bad, if you don't have a sense of humor about them, it's hard to cope. I saw some of his writing as having that type of humor... where he's talking about them partying in the streets, riding over squashed ones versus swearving to avoid the fresh ones, bowling ball in a pool of milk...

      Sometimes I forget my sense of humor is not the same someone else's might be. I also have communication problems at times
      The salvage of human life ought to be placed above barter and exchange ~ Louis Harris, 1918

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      • #4
        Re: A Little Off-beat Humor from Jakarta

        Originally posted by mixin View Post
        Well, I did say it was *off beat*.

        Sometimes things are so bad, if you don't have a sense of humor about them, it's hard to cope. I saw some of his writing as having that type of humor... where he's talking about them partying in the streets, riding over squashed ones versus swearving to avoid the fresh ones, bowling ball in a pool of milk...

        Sometimes I forget my sense of humor is not the same someone else's might be. I also have communication problems at times
        I don't think you have comm. problems mixin.
        The majority of us have many problems, and it's ok. (sometimes) to joke if the person can.
        I think the Ab situation is in many other world places. Imagin how are the local prep. plans there with such an environment.

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: A Little Off-beat Humor from Jakarta

          Imagin how are the local prep. plans there with such an environment.
          I doubt that they really have local prep plans for a pandemic. I suspect living with the floods and other natural disasters is top priority for now. On the same site I linked, there are some videos and an article about how the Indonesians cope with floods. I was surprised to learn the high statistics for respiratory disease there also.
          The salvage of human life ought to be placed above barter and exchange ~ Louis Harris, 1918

          Comment


          • #6
            Let's try another one

            I thought this one was kind of funny, too.

            How to Drive in Indonesia
            To operate a motor vehicle in Indonesia, you must understand the transportation gestalt in an entirely different way. Definitions that you thought were above redefinition will immediately be redefined. Please pay attention.

            The Road:
            Includes not only the paved portion of the highway, but also what others might call the verge, the curb, the sidewalk, the front yard and the roadside restaurant. The paved portion of the roadway is generally one lane wide. Not one lane in each direction, but one lane.

            Respect:
            All animals are granted the greatest respect in Indonesia. It is presumed that, being highly evolved creatures, chickens and dogs and the like know how to sidestep a Mitsubishi going 78 mph on a fog shrouded road during a national religious holiday. This same position of honor is granted to small children, men with 30 pounds of hay on their heads, unattended oxcarts and elderly women in mystic trances. Slowing or swerving to avoid these beings would cause them dishonor.

            Lanes:
            These colorful white and yellow markings wish a hearty Selamat Datang (welcome) to every traveler. They have no other function.

            Passing:
            The national sport of Indonesia. Observant motorists may encounter the vertical triple (passing three vehicles in one acceleratory movement), the horizontal triple (passing a vehicle that itself is in the process of passing a vehicle), or even the rare double-double (passing a vehicle at precisely the same time that another vehicle, coming in the other direction is also engaged in the act of passing).

            Tailgating:
            What to do when not passing.

            Being Passed:
            An insult not to be endured. The greater the differential between your vehicle (say, a Boeing 747), the great the potential loss of prestige. The owner of the less powerful vehicle must always do everything in his/her power to thwart the attempt to overtake.

            Seat Belts:
            Absolutely unnecessary. Not only are they not worn, they are not even provided. Passengers are fully protected by the horn.

            Lights:
            Rapidly blinking the headlights can mean many things, including "OK to pass now," "dangerous to pass now," "get out the way," or "may you find the thread of gold in the linen of existence. "It takes years, sometimes entire lifetimes, to learn this subtle and intriguing intuitive nonverbal communication skill. Generally, however, you have about three seconds.

            The Horn:
            When sounded loudly and frequently, the horn sets up an invisible energy barrier protecting the vehicle and its inhabitants from all harm. The faster the vehicle is going, the better the horn works. This is the central concept of Indonesian motoring.

            Accidents:
            Rare. Usually the result of a malfunctioning horn.

            Adapted from: An article by Jon Carroll, San Francisco Chronicle, November 4, 1988

            (and nothing has changed since then

            The salvage of human life ought to be placed above barter and exchange ~ Louis Harris, 1918

            Comment


            • #7
              Re: A Little Off-beat Humor from Jakarta

              "I thought this one was kind of funny, too."

              I do too! Although reading it kind of reminds me of the experience of driving in Boston...
              Separate the wheat from the chaff

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