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How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?

Shiloh

Shiloh

Editor, Senior Moderator
How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?

1. Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?

2. Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

3. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!

4. Rottweiler: Make me.

5. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

6. Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!

7. German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, checked to make sure I haven't missed any, and made just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.

8. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.

9. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb.

10. Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

11. Chihuahua : Yip! yip, yip, (Yo quiero Taco Bulb) yip, yip, yip!

12. Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there .

13. Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?

14. Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle.

15. Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

The Cat's Answer: "Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is: How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?"

ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE STAFF.
 
catz rule

catz rule

funny-pictures-cat-says-that-dogs-do-not-eat-enough-dogs.jpg


http://icanhascheezburger.com/page/12/
 
Re: How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?

From A Dog?s Daily Diary:

8:00 AM: Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!

9:30 AM: Oh, boy! A car ride! My favorite!

9:40 AM: Oh, boy! A walk! My favorite!

10:30 AM: Oh, boy! Getting rubbed and petted! My favorite!

11:30 AM: Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!

NOON: Oh, boy! The kids! My favorite!

1:00 PM: Oh, boy! The yard! My favorite!

4:00 PM: Oh, boy! To the park! My favorite!

5:00 PM: Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!

5:30 PM: Oh, boy! Pretty mums! My favorite!

6:00 PM: Oh, boy! Playing ball! My favorite!

6:30 PM: Oh, boy! Watching tv with my master! My favorite!

8:30 PM: Oh, boy! Sleeping in master?s bed! My favorite!

From A Cat?s Daily Diary:

Day 183 of my Captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly in fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild scolding I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.

Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant. Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded; must try this at the top of the stairs.

In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair, must try this on their bed. Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to my power of ?allergies?. Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait; it is only a matter of time.

--Author Unknown
 
Re: How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?

Dear Dog and Cat,

When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. (NOTE: Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate & food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food & dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.)

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a race track. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping. They can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. (I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm.)

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. (In addition, I have been using the bathroom for years... canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.)

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dogs or cats' butt. I cannot stress this enough! It would be such a simple change for you.

To pacify you I have posted the following message on our front door.....Rules for Non-pet owners who visit and like to complain about our pets:

1. They live here; you don't.

2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.

3. I like my pet better than I like most people.

4. To you it's an animal. To me he and/or she is an adopted son and/ordaughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and is speech challenged.

Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug using friends, don't drink or smoke, don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell the results.
 
Re: Mind games devised by dogs

Re: Mind games devised by dogs

After your humans give you a bath, don't let them towel-dry you! Instead, run to their bed, jump up and dry yourself off on the sheets. This is especially good if it's right before your humans bedtime.

Act like a convicted criminal. When the humans come home, put your ears back, tail between your legs, chin down and act as if you have done something really bad. Then, watch as the humans frantically search the house for the damage they think you have caused (Note: This only works when you have done absolutely nothing wrong).

Let the humans teach you a brand new trick. Learn it perfectly. Then the humans try to demonstrate it to someone else, stare blankly back at the humans. Pretend you have no idea what they're talking about.

Make your humans be patient. When you go outside to go pee, sniff around the entire yard as your humans wait. Act as if the spot you choose to go pee will ultimately decide the fate of the earth.

Draw attention to the human. When out for a walk always pick the busiest, most visible spot to go poop. Take your time and make sure everyone watches. This works particularly well if your humans have forgotten to bring a plastic bag.

When out for a walk, alternate between choking and coughing every time a strange human walks by.

Make your own rules. Don't always bring back the stick when playing fetch with the humans. Make them go and chase it once in a while.

Hide from your humans. When your humans come home, don't greet them at the door. Instead, hide from them, and make them think something terrible has happened to you (don't reappear until one of your humans is panic- stricken and close to tears).

When your human calls you to come back in, always take your time. Walk as slowly as possible back to the door.

Wake up twenty minutes before the alarm clock is set to go off and make the humans take you out for your morning pee. As soon as you get back inside, fall asleep (humans can rarely fall back asleep after going outside, this will drive them nuts!).
 
Re: How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?

Dear God, from the Dog

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the " Chrysler Beagle"?

Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog.

1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.

2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.

3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.

4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.

5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying "hello".

8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table.

9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.

10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.

11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.

12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.


P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back
 
Re: How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?

New dog breeds
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Collie + Lhasa Apso
Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport

Spitz + Chow Chow
Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up a lot

Pointer + Setter
Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet

Great Pyrenees + Dachshund
Pyradachs, a puzzling breed

Pekingnese + Lhasa Apso
Peekasso, an abstract dog

Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel
Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle

Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever
Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists

Newfoundland + Basset Hound
Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors

Terrier + Bulldog
Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes

Bloodhound + Labrador
Blabador, a dog that barks incessantly

Malamute + Pointer
Moot Point, increasingly owned by attorneys

Collie + Malamute
Commute, a dog that travels to work

Deerhound + Terrier
Derriere, a dog that's true to the end

Bull Terrier + Shitzu
Oh, never mind. . .
 
Re: How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?

If you were a dog, what breed would you be? To find out go here:
http://www.gone2thedogs.com/index.html
On the left of the screen you will see Game.
Click on Game and when the Start button lights up, click on it to
begin.
 
Re: How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?

I am a Staffordshire Bull Terrier :)
 
Re: How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?

I am a Basenji -

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Basenji

The basenji is one of the most ancient dog breeds. Originating on the continent of Africa, it has lived with humans for thousands of years. Ancestors of modern Basenjis can be seen on steles in the tombs of Egyptian pharaohs, sitting at the feet of their masters, looking just as they do today, with pricked ears and tightly curled tails. Dogs of this type were originally kept for hunting small game by coursing.
Europeans first described the basenji in the Congo in 1895. There, the basenji was prized by locals for its intelligence, courage, speed, and silence. They were assistants to the hunt, chasing wild game into nets for their masters. The Azande and Mangbetu people from the northeastern Congo region describe basenjis, in the local Lingala language, as mbw? na basɛ́nzi. Translated, this means "dogs of the savages", or "dogs of the villagers". In the Congo, the basenji is also known as "dog of the bush." The dogs are also known to the Azande of southern Sudan as Ango Angari.<sup id="cite_ref-10" class="reference">[11]</sup> The word basɛ́nzi itself is the plural form of mosɛ́nzi. In Kiswahili, another Bantu language, from East Africa, mbwa shenzi translates to ?wild dog?. Another local name is m?bwa m?kube m?bwa wamwitu, or ?jumping up and down dog?, a reference to their tendency to jump straight up to spot their quarry.
 
Re: How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?

I'm snow white, fluffy and have a great tail.

I'm a Samoyed. (and I'm highly amused at the idea.)
 
Re: How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?

http://www.idodogtricks.com

I asked this dog to dance - he danced
I asked this dog to walk- he walked
I asked this dog to fetch- he fetched
I asked him to sit, roll over, sing - even play dead and he did what I asked him to.

I asked him to change the light bulb and he said... Well ask him yourself and find out...

Oh, type in kiss and see what he does too...
 
Re: How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change a Light Bulb?

I am an American Water Spaniel.

Apparently I am a strong swimmer with a good sense of smell, but can be boistrous around others!:D
 
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