AlaskaDenise
In Memoriam
(snipped from this BBC article)
How do you define optimism? A banker who irons 5 shirts on a Sunday.
Sara, London, UK
What do you call 12 investment bankers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start.
Niall Davidson Petch, Lincoln, UK
If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left. If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left. But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, and then turned in the cans for recycling, you would have $214.00. Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle. This is called the 401-Keg Plan.
Daniel, Calgary, Canada
What's the difference between Investment Bankers and London Pigeons? The Pigeons are still capable of making deposits on new BMW's
Rob, London, UK
Why did the Banker cross the road? - Because he stapled himself to the chicken.
Charles Brockley, Norwich , Norfolk, UK
What's the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza? A large pizza can feed a family of four.
Tom, London, UK
Three investment bankers are sitting outside a coffee shop, sipping glumly on their cappucinos. The first one says "It's terrible, I have lost five million on my accounts this morning, there is no way to recover my losses. When I get back inside I'm going to go past my office, up to the fifth floor, open a window and jump out" The second one says "You think that's bad; I've lost nine million on my accounts in the last hour, I have nothing left. I'm going to ride the lift all the way up to the ninth, open a window and jump out" The third one says "I'm glad our building only has fourteen floors."
Bob, High Wycombe, UK
The last time Iceland had a crash like this aisle three was closed all day.
Stuart Harley, West Malvern, UK
Q: Why are all MBAs going back to school?
A: To ask for their money back.
G. Reinis, Lafayette, CA USA
I had a cheque returned earlier. "Insufficient Funds" Mine or the banks?
Pyers Symon, Worcester
What have Icelandic banks and an Icelandic streaker got in common? They both have frozen assets
Stuart Harley, West Malvern, UK
Money talks. Trouble is, mine only knows one word - goodbye.
Nigel Macarthur, London, UK
What is a banker's favourite chocolate bar? A credit crunchie!
Susanna Page, Chiddingfold, UK
For Geography students Only: What's the capital of Iceland? Answer: About Three Pounds Fifty...
John Green, Chessington, Surrey, UK
Latest news, the Isle of Dogs Building Society has collapsed. They've called in the retrievers.
Jez, Frodsham,UK
Funnily enough, I run a creative thinking course which uses comedy to demonstrate how novel solutions can be found. When I approached the banks with the idea of running the course for their staff, they laughed. I bet they're not laughing now...(to paraphrase Bob Hope).
Ivor Tymchak, Wakefield, UK
Quote of the day (from a trader): "This is worse than a divorce. I've lost half my net worth and I still have a wife."
Sottovoce , Cambridge, UK
QUESTION: How do you successfully freeze your financial assets?
ANSWER: Invest in an Icelandic bank
Madeleine Smallman, UK
Masked man holding a bank cashier up with a gun. Says: 'I don't want any money - I just want you to start lending to each other...
David, Cambridge, UK
.
How do you define optimism? A banker who irons 5 shirts on a Sunday.
Sara, London, UK
What do you call 12 investment bankers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start.
Niall Davidson Petch, Lincoln, UK
If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00. With Enron, you would have $16.50 left of the original $1000. With WorldCom, you would have less than $5.00 left. If you had purchased $1000.00 of Delta Air Lines stock you would have $49.00 left. If you had purchased United Airlines, you would have nothing left. But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, and then turned in the cans for recycling, you would have $214.00. Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle. This is called the 401-Keg Plan.
Daniel, Calgary, Canada
What's the difference between Investment Bankers and London Pigeons? The Pigeons are still capable of making deposits on new BMW's
Rob, London, UK
Why did the Banker cross the road? - Because he stapled himself to the chicken.
Charles Brockley, Norwich , Norfolk, UK
What's the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza? A large pizza can feed a family of four.
Tom, London, UK
Three investment bankers are sitting outside a coffee shop, sipping glumly on their cappucinos. The first one says "It's terrible, I have lost five million on my accounts this morning, there is no way to recover my losses. When I get back inside I'm going to go past my office, up to the fifth floor, open a window and jump out" The second one says "You think that's bad; I've lost nine million on my accounts in the last hour, I have nothing left. I'm going to ride the lift all the way up to the ninth, open a window and jump out" The third one says "I'm glad our building only has fourteen floors."
Bob, High Wycombe, UK
The last time Iceland had a crash like this aisle three was closed all day.
Stuart Harley, West Malvern, UK
Q: Why are all MBAs going back to school?
A: To ask for their money back.
G. Reinis, Lafayette, CA USA
I had a cheque returned earlier. "Insufficient Funds" Mine or the banks?
Pyers Symon, Worcester
What have Icelandic banks and an Icelandic streaker got in common? They both have frozen assets
Stuart Harley, West Malvern, UK
Money talks. Trouble is, mine only knows one word - goodbye.
Nigel Macarthur, London, UK
What is a banker's favourite chocolate bar? A credit crunchie!
Susanna Page, Chiddingfold, UK
For Geography students Only: What's the capital of Iceland? Answer: About Three Pounds Fifty...
John Green, Chessington, Surrey, UK
Latest news, the Isle of Dogs Building Society has collapsed. They've called in the retrievers.
Jez, Frodsham,UK
Funnily enough, I run a creative thinking course which uses comedy to demonstrate how novel solutions can be found. When I approached the banks with the idea of running the course for their staff, they laughed. I bet they're not laughing now...(to paraphrase Bob Hope).
Ivor Tymchak, Wakefield, UK
Quote of the day (from a trader): "This is worse than a divorce. I've lost half my net worth and I still have a wife."
Sottovoce , Cambridge, UK
QUESTION: How do you successfully freeze your financial assets?
ANSWER: Invest in an Icelandic bank
Madeleine Smallman, UK
Masked man holding a bank cashier up with a gun. Says: 'I don't want any money - I just want you to start lending to each other...
David, Cambridge, UK
.