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Bird flu transmitted to rubber ducks

AlaskaDenise

AlaskaDenise

In Memoriam
http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm?headline=s3i14233

Bird flu, the potential world killer that never was, has taken a new form. The virus is now capable of infecting inanimate objects which are in the shape of birds - including rubber ducks, plastic chicks and wall-mounted flying geese.

A rubber duck salesman in Vietnam is reported to have died from the new strain of the disease, although it is also alleged that a dead chicken was found about his person.

All bird-shaped items are now required to be handed in to the Bird Flu Inquisition and burned to prevent any danger to the public. Any bird-shaped inanimate objects are at risk, even key-rings or ornaments.

If the public are alarmed that they may own a piece of infected bird flu, they can call 0800-I-PANIC to talk to a sympathetic operator who will tell them to calm down and stop worrying.

Scientists say there is no risk of humans catching the disease from inanimate objects, but what would they know...

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

.
 
Re: Bird flu transmitted to rubber ducks

Shannon said:
:eek: :D Has anyone checked the pink flamingos yet?
Click to expand...

It's -30 Celsius here, with a metre of snow in the front yard.

So we built a quinzee, stashed the flamingos inside, and used ice blocks for the doorway so the neighbour's cats would not go visiting.

Winnipeg's answer to quarantine and decontamination.

J.
 
Re: Bird flu transmitted to rubber ducks

Yet another species we have to watch out for. Will it never end?
 
Re: Bird flu transmitted to rubber ducks

What about stuffed animals? There is a gal here at work that collects stuffed ducks....she has dozens and dozens. Imagine her shock if we rush them to the parkinglot and burn them. Actually I think she might beat me down if I tried!!! :surrender:
 
Re: Bird flu transmitted to rubber ducks

it is a true tragedy :(
how many rubber ducks were infected and killed ?
did they have sequenced the new strain
 
Re: Bird flu transmitted to rubber ducks

Who is going to reimburse me if all my duckies test positive?
How much can I expect to get?
But I am so attached to them. Should I just hide them in a box behind the toilet?
:confused:
I need more info.
 
Re: Bird flu transmitted to rubber ducks

Hilarious: http://www.flutrackers.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4963

I love the one-liners in that thread:......

__________
Quotes:

I think it's the polyvinylmorphism mutation. It has neutropic symptoms - they all bend their necks in the same shape.

Notice the discoloring in some of the birds. Perhaps a new symptom?!!

This has been happening for weeks. The tests have been coming back negative for H5N1 because the testing samples were not collected properly.

Rumor has it one of the signs of infection is the inability to stand upright in a stiff wind...

Oh No! not Donald. Does that mean Huey, Dewey and Louie are next?
____________________

Should I feel guilty for laughing at this morbid thread?

J.
 
Re: Bird flu transmitted to rubber ducks

Fun to read back over them! Sometimes everyone gets on a gut-splitting roll!
 
Re: Bird flu transmitted to rubber ducks

GOVERNMENTAL HEALTH BREAKING NEWS ALERT!!!!
​

All tests both of the blood and throat swabs of the 2,025,232 H5N1-suspected rubber ducks have been negative so far. Samples of a couple of those ducks as well as hundreds of brand new, healthy rubber ducks have been sent to England for absolute confirmation of negativity to relieve the public's paranoia. Nevertheless, should any rubber ducks or you for that matter show avian flu symptoms such as difficulty breathing or of course pneumonia, everyone is urged to cull them or flush them down the toilet as soon as possible. It should be noted that only rubber duck-rubber duck transmission has ever been reported, although a Pacific walrus, a Siberian tiger, and a koala bear have also been found to have died from the dreaded virus [in the last 4 hours]. Anyway, you will be mailed a complementary rubber duck immediately [within 6 months] upon flushing. There is no reason to panic, for the only thing worth fearing is fear itself. Please continue to buy rubber ducks from your friendly bathroom stores-the jobs of the world are at stake. Oh and by the way, the only way that anyone has ever been infected by a rubber duck is if they've put it in their mouth, then kissed it, but tests proved to be negative, and they were sent home--and those that died were only affected by a combination of Stage 4 Dengue Hemorrhagic Fever, cerebral malaria, typhoid fever, bad sanitation, and normal human influenza, and besides they had other confidential health conditions such as HIV, typhoid, Japanese Encephalitis and meningococcal meningitis. And also--take Tamiflu, unless it's resistant, then just pray, but of course don't frighten anyone else or spread rumors--it could cause rubber duckie sales to plummet, and we wouldn't want that. Only three people have been infected by avian flu [in the last three minutes], but experts think that it could one day cause a pandemic, costing dozens of lives around the entire planet and a rise in bird flu stocks.
 
Re: Bird flu transmitted to rubber ducks

"...Any bird-shaped inanimate objects are at risk, even key-rings or ornaments..."

This explains why a few of my Christmas tree ornaments fell off the tree and crashed to the ground.

I blamed the cat and banned her.

Sorry Bianca. :oem
 
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